Let's Be Honest

James 1. You should re-read it. No doubt.

My beautiful fiancee, Leah, and I are reading through the book of James together. I'm not even half a chapter in, and I am already feeling refreshed and checked by the Holy Spirit. I thought I'd share with you what I feel so strongly in my heart right now.

"Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do."
James 1:8, NLT

One of the hardest things for me to do is to be honest with God. Yes, I understand that He knows everything already, but there is something completely different about talking to Him about what I'm thinking and going through. It's revealing and intimidating, but if we can push ourselves to that kind of honesty with Jesus it's so rewarding.

I try to look at my relationship with Jesus like I would with Leah, my fiancee, or Jacob, my best friend. If I went months without hanging out with either one of them, talking to them, or listening to them, I could tell them I love them all I want-- my actions would testify against me. I feel like it's the same with Jesus. When we boil it down, we do what we really want to do. At the end of the day, whatever we care about gets done.

Epic. Random. Smile. They're monkeys.

One of the things that I've had to be honest with God about is that I don't always want to serve Him. I don't always think that being a Christian is the best thing in the world. I know, I know. This may offend some of you, or take you off guard. This is a step I've been practicing in my process of being honest with God. Check it: God already knows what's in my heart. It's liberating to talk to Him about it. It allows an opportunity for Him to come in and minister and remind me how fun and awesome He really is-- and that's what strengthens our relationship.

I've chosen to be honest with Jesus. I want to sin. It's tempting. And I think it's dumb that I can't do what I want. But, here's the amazing thing: "We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin" (Hebrews 4:15 NIV). Jesus understands. He's been there-- and made it. So, I have no problem praying, "Lord, help me to want to want you, to want to do Your will." He gets it. Even better, he gives me grace to do His will. That's the beautiful thing. I learn that I can trust Him. I mean, what's the point of having a "friend" (John 15:15) in Jesus if we don't act like it.

So, what's with the scripture from James 1 all about. Well, the new thing I'm being honest with the Lord about is that there are some things about the world that I really like. There are areas in my life where I have "divided loyalties"-- we all have those areas. Honestly.

Here's my prayer tonight: Jesus, I need to you to take my heart's desires and touch them. Lord, I want you to take charge of my emotions and my wants-- because I can't trust them. I can't trust them when my flesh and Your Spirit are at war. Although my heart isn't cooperating in every area, I'm going to trust You anyway. Lord, I trust that Your plan for my life is better than mine. I trust that You love me no matter what. I trust that You're for me. Help me to want to want your will in every facet of me life. I love You, I promise. I love You. I love You. I love You.